On the Spectrum

This song is all about how I probably don’t suffer from Autism, but that I am certainly on the spectrum in some way. Growing up, my Mother would not let anyone even start to entertain the idea that I might be Autistic as she didn’t want me to be labelled and I tend to agree with her. It’s hard to say for sure, but as much as the label can help explain things it does come with its own drawbacks.

Back then the term on the spectrum didn't exist and Autism didn't feel like it was well understood. Now it seems like things are a little better and we seem to have realised it happens to varying degrees. I truly believe that everyone sits somewhere on the spectrum, but some archaic notion of normal and the social pressures to conform mean very few people embrace it and only those diagnosed are considered to be on it. This means there is still a line separating people and when I delve into my character, I see so much in common with people diagnosed as Autistic than not. i did an online test and it came back as me not being autistic, although I’m told that doing the test is a very autistic thing to do! 

I tend to ask a lot of questions and try to get to know a lot about people and in so doing, some of the most seemingly ordinary people on the surface are hiding a great number of idiosyncrasies. It got me thinking that everyone is on the spectrum to some degree and once I embraced that notion, things became somewhat easier for me. I realised that feeling of not fitting in was how everyone felt and so I did actually fit in, I'd just never realised it. I lived in a grey area between those who were fully on the spectrum and those that successfully hid that side of themselves.

I’ve noticed a lot of the movements these days have bright colours associated with them, which are far better than the grey I had been living in, and so I came up with the idea of me once living in the grey areas, but now I live on the spectrum. 

NOTE: This is my opinion only and based on my experiences, so if you do disagree, please do not get upset by it as I know my thinking will not cover all the bases. From the people I know who are dealing with critically autistic children, it is such a hard thing to cope with and I can't imagine how they manage to do it. My hope is that by us all embracing and not being ashamed of the more awkward sides of ourselves, we will understand the more severe cases a little better and be more sympathetic.

I recently played a festival at a special needs music college and it was one of the most inspiring shows I have ever done. The kids were having such a good time and they all came to see us after the show, totally enthused by it all. Their parents were so apologetic that it became clear that that is their default position, clearly not faced with understanding as often as they should be. We didn't mind at all and spent some time with them and they were so open in their love for the show and clearly so inspired by what they had seen it really left a mark on me.


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